I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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