I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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