I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
