Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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