We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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