I faked an abortion last night.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
