I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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