You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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