I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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