i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
