I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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