I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
