One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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