I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
