I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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