a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?