OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.