I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet