Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.