And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo