My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...