4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.