Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol