Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
