Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
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Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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