party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
