we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
