you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
