The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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