we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
