Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
