I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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