before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
