We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
