It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
