i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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