I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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