this beer tastes like vomit already
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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