you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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