No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
