p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
