Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize