Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize