On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
