Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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