you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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