How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
