i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize