The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
