my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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