Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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