Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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