we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
