Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize