It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
