i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
