If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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