not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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