he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
