I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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