did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
