everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
