I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
