Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
