I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
